Series: Self-Care and Inner Growth. Episode: 8
You do not need the right words to show up. You just need to stay.
Over the past few weeks, we have explored support, friendship, and boundaries – how connection is built, protected, and sustained.
This week, we are bringing those threads together to look at what it truly means to show up for someone when they are struggling.
1. The Pressure to Say the Right Thing
When someone we care about is struggling, many of us freeze.
We worry about saying the wrong thing, making it worse, or not being enough.
So we overthink. Or we stay silent. Or we reach for advice when what is really needed is care.
But showing up is not a performance.
It is not about finding perfect words.
It is about being willing to stay present in discomfort.
Often, the most supportive thing you can say is simply:
“I am here.”
2. What Support Looks Like in Hard Moments
When someone is struggling, support rarely looks like solutions.
It looks like patience.
It looks like listening without interrupting.
It looks like sitting with emotions you cannot tidy away.
Psychological research on emotional support shows that people feel most helped when they feel understood, not corrected.
Validation calms the nervous system.
Presence builds trust.
Support sounds like:
- “That sounds really hard.”
- “You do not have to go through this alone.”
- “I am here with you, even if I do not have answers.”
3. Knowing What Not to Do
Good intentions can sometimes miss the mark.
When someone is struggling, phrases meant to comfort can accidentally minimise their experience.
Be mindful of responses like:
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “At least it is not worse.”
- “Just try to stay positive.”
These responses can shut down conversation, even when care is present.
Instead of trying to fix the feeling, let it exist.
Your willingness to sit with discomfort is often more helpful than optimism.
4. How to Offer Support Without Losing Yourself
Showing up does not mean absorbing someone else’s pain.
Healthy support includes boundaries, honesty, and self-awareness.
You can care deeply and still protect your energy.
It is okay to say:
- “I want to be here for you, but I need a short break.”
- “I can listen right now, but I might not have the capacity later.”
Support works best when it is sustainable.
You are not responsible for carrying someone else’s healing.
You are responsible for offering presence in a way that does not cost you your wellbeing.
5. Small Ways of Showing Up That Matter
Showing up does not have to be dramatic.
Often, it is the small, consistent gestures that matter most.
- Sending a message to check in
- Remembering important dates
- Sitting in silence without rushing
- Offering practical help without pressure
- Following up, not just checking in once
Consistency builds safety.
It reminds someone that they are not forgotten, even when things feel messy.
🌷 The Weekly Pinky Promise
“This week, I promise to show up with presence, not pressure.”
Maybe that means listening instead of advising.
Maybe it means sending a message and staying open to the response.
Maybe it means being honest about what you can offer.
Showing up does not require perfection.
It requires care.
🌱 The Self-Care Seed
“Notice when you feel the urge to fix someone’s pain, and gently choose presence instead.”
This week, practice sitting with discomfort without rushing it away.
Let your care be quiet and steady.
Sometimes the most powerful support you can offer is staying – even when you do not know what to say.
💗 Resources for Further Care
- The Art of Showing Up by Rachel Wilkerson Miller
- Research on emotional validation and social support
- Mind UK – guidance on supporting someone with mental health challenges
- Journal Prompt: “How do I show care when I cannot solve the problem?”
🌸 Closing Reflection
You do not need to fix what someone else is feeling.
You do not need answers or solutions.
What matters most is that you stay present when things feel heavy.
That you listen.
That you care without trying to control the outcome.
This week, trust that your presence is enough.
Because showing up – quietly, consistently, honestly – is one of the most meaningful forms of compassion there is.
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