Series: Self-Care and Inner Growth. Episode: 10
Growth is not about becoming someone new. It is about meeting yourself with more honesty.
Last week, we explored the stories we tell ourselves and how inner narratives quietly shape our lives.
This week, we are questioning a belief that sits underneath many of those stories – the idea that you must be fixed before you are worthy of growth.
1. The Pressure to Be a Project
Many of us approach self-growth as if we are a problem to solve.
We look for flaws to correct, habits to fix, versions of ourselves that need improvement before we can feel at peace.
This mindset turns growth into constant self-surveillance.
You are always measuring, adjusting, correcting.
And over time, that way of relating to yourself can feel exhausting rather than empowering.
Growth was never meant to feel like punishment.
It was meant to feel like understanding.
2. Where the Need to Fix Comes From
The belief that you need fixing often develops early.
It can come from environments where love was conditional, where achievement was rewarded more than authenticity, or where mistakes were met with criticism instead of curiosity.
Over time, the mind learns a pattern:
“If I improve enough, I will finally be okay.”
Psychological research on shame shows that this belief does not motivate lasting change.
Shame narrows attention, increases avoidance, and disconnects you from your own needs.
Growth rooted in shame asks, “What is wrong with me?”
Growth rooted in awareness asks, “What do I need?”
3. The Difference Between Growth and Self-Rejection
There is an important difference between wanting to grow and believing you are not enough.
One comes from curiosity.
The other comes from fear.
When growth is driven by self-rejection, it never ends.
There is always another flaw, another standard, another version of you to chase.
When growth is driven by self-awareness, it becomes gentler and more sustainable.
You are not erasing parts of yourself.
You are learning how to relate to them with care.
4. What Growth Looks Like Without Fixing
Growth without fixing looks like listening instead of correcting.
It looks like noticing patterns without shaming yourself for them.
It looks like asking better questions rather than demanding better behaviour.
You might begin to say:
- “This part of me learned this for a reason.”
- “This habit once kept me safe.”
- “I can thank this response without letting it run my life.”
This approach allows change to happen without violence toward the self.
It creates space for healing instead of constant self-improvement.
5. Letting Growth Be a Relationship
What if growth was not a destination, but a relationship you build with yourself over time?
One that includes patience, honesty, and repair.
In healthy relationships, you do not demand perfection.
You offer understanding.
You listen when something feels off.
You adjust with care.
You deserve that same quality of attention from yourself.
Growth is not something you force.
It is something you allow.
🌷 The Weekly Pinky Promise
“This week, I promise to notice when I treat myself like a problem – and respond with care instead.”
When you catch yourself saying, “I need to fix this,” pause.
Ask instead:
“What might this part of me need right now?”
That shift is where growth begins.
Share your reflection using #MyPinkyPromise and remind others that self-growth does not require self-rejection.
🌱 The Self-Care Seed
“Notice where you approach yourself with frustration instead of curiosity.”
This week, choose one moment where you usually criticise yourself.
Slow it down.
Ask what that reaction is protecting or communicating.
You are not broken.
You are learning how to listen to yourself more clearly.
💗 Resources for Further Care
- Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
- Research on shame and motivation by Brené Brown
- Mind UK – resources on self-acceptance and emotional wellbeing
- Journal Prompt: “Where have I been trying to fix myself instead of understanding myself?”
🌸 Closing Reflection
You do not need to become someone else to grow.
You do not need to fix your way into worthiness.
Growth happens when you stop fighting yourself and start listening.
When you meet your patterns with honesty instead of judgement.
When you allow change to come from care, not pressure.
This week, let growth feel a little softer.
Let it feel like understanding.
Because the most lasting change begins when you realise you were never broken to begin with.
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